Carry this handy device with you at all times, and you need no longer live in fear of that unexpected knock on the door heralding the arrival of an evil AMHP and his or her Sec.12 doctor henchmen. It will detect an AMHP in the vicinity anywhere within 100 metres, and give you those essential extra minutes in order to make your escape through the back door.
Left it a bit late to get away from that pesky interfering AMHP? Well, there’s another crafty ruse! When they’re about to fill in those pink forms, show you’re cooperating by giving them this innocent looking pen. What they don’t know is that within 2 hours the ink will evaporate leaving no trace! So by the time you get to the hospital, they’ll be presented with nothing but blank forms!
So, despite your AMHP detector and disappearing ink, they’ve still somehow managed to get you into hospital. Don’t despair! This amazing lightweight rope ladder folds away and can be concealed inside a toothbrush holder! Then, after lights out, it’s a simple matter to make a clean getaway through your bedroom window!
Tin foil hat kit
Everyone knows that the ESA and GCHQ are monitoring the entire nation’s thoughts with undetectable microwaves. A great way to protect yourself from this intrusion is with a tin foil hat! This kit contains everything you need to make your own! Will also prevent aliens from employing their nefarious mind control techniques!
Electromagnetic mind shield
Concerned that even a tin foil hat may not protect you from external thought wave interference? This unobtrusive headgear is guaranteed not only to shield your brain from any remote sensing equipment, but will also stop your thoughts from being broadcast on local TV stations and prevent persons unknown from taking thoughts out of your head! Comes in three colours: Men-in Black, Paranoid Paisley, and Lucy-in-the-Sky Tangerine!
Pull Yourself Together and Snap Out Of It DVD
You know the saying “There’s always someone else worse off than yourself?” Well, the Masked AMHP Blog team have tracked that person down and have interviewed him for a special mood boosting DVD!
Feeling down in the dumps? Watching this DVD is guaranteed to cheer you up! There really is someone worse off than yourself!
Comes with a special bonus DVD consisting of someone who’s never had any mental health problems saying motivational things designed to make you feel better! Examples include such classic lines as:
- “It’s like you’re not even trying.”
- “Try having a nice long bath.”
- “Go for a walk.”
- “There’s no such thing as mental illness.”
- “It’s all in the mind.”
- “You’ve no reason to feel depressed.”
- “Try thinking positively.”
- “It’s as if you don’t want to get better.”
- “Try smiling once in a while.”
- And of course the classic “Just snap out of it!”
Please note: The Masked AMHP has now gone for a nice long lie down in a darkened room. He might then go for a walk in the countryside, followed a long bath surrounded by scented candles. It is hoped that normal service will be resumed on the Blog after Christmas.